I’ve got my poetry group meeting today, and every time, I feel a weird kind of stage fright.
My poetry group is one of the pieces I’m relying on to try and get myself back into my poetic groove, and the group itself is wonderful– diverse, experienced, wonderful people who have been writing and publishing for many accumulated years between them. They are kind and funny and supportive and have been very gracious and welcoming to me. I really look forward to the meetings and enjoy both giving and receiving constructive feedback.
Okay, that last part is a lie. I feel panic and fear every time I pass out my poem and wait with sweaty palms as they read it. Every time, I am afraid that they are thinking, Wow, this really isn’t very good. This is actually horrible. We’re going to have to ask her not to come back. She should stop thinking of herself as a poet. She doesn’t even live on the same street as “poet.”
Of course, of course, this has everything to do with me and nothing to do with them. Of course, it’s ridiculous insecurity that must be banished, both for me as a person and for me as a writer. Insecurity and panic turns into writer’s block and writer’s paralysis. Of course, I know writers feel this way all the time. And I know that, as with many fears, the only way around it is through it. The only way it gets smaller is if I face it over and over and over. That constructive feedback is the only way to get better.
But still, the fear.
Sweaty hands yeah, but what a rush. keep on writing and reading.
A little insecurity goes a long way to creativity! Best of luck!
I so know the feeling! And when I give feedback, I almost never am thinking “God, she’s a terrible writer,” but rather “How can I help her make this better?” And yet I’m still convinced that the verdict on me is going to be “Forget her, she’s a terrible writer” every single time, despite the fact that it’s never yet happened.
After all that panic, a flat tire kept me from my group after all
.
@Becca: I know! I’m always thinking how I can be helpful, so who’s that terribly mean voice in my head?!
@Anjali: I think the trick is to keep it motivating and not paralyzing you! Best of luck to you in all your writing endeavors too!