Brownies every other Monday. Piano every Wednesday. Environmental Club every other Thursday. In the fall, Tuesdays were for an arts-and-crafts class. This spring, Saturdays afternoons will be drawing workshop for one, musical theater workshop for the other. Last summer, they did a six-week tennis clinic, and yes, I forced them to do it. I even bribed them with their favorite ice-cream shop if they finished the classes (ironic, I know), which they did–and after the first class, both girls thoroughly enjoyed it and were sad when the class was over.
Alice at Finslippy recently wrote a post about her 7-year-old’s lack of interest in extra-curricular activities and her conflicted feelings over whether or not to push into anything. Apparently, a lot of people had opinions (on the Internet? No!). This spring is our first regular Saturday commitment, which feels like a new threshold in child activities, so it’s been on my mind too.
When my girls were still babies, I remember reading a lot of fuss about hyper-parenting and over-scheduled children, but I didn’t take it very seriously. Of course, I was more worried at that point about when my babies would eat solid food, but also I believed (and still do) that it’s such a middle/upper-middle class problem to have. I also remember reading an excellent personal essay in Brain, Child maybe around the same time about violin lessons. The author had grown up with a mother who was alcoholic or abusive or both, and as she watched her daughter mope and moan about violin lessons, she felt so glad that these were the biggest villains in her child’s life. “I’ll be a happy mother” she wrote, “if the worst thing she can say about me when she grows up is that I forced her to take these violin lessons.” I still think that is a great perspective on the situation, having had my own share of less-than-ideal conditions in my childhood. I feel lucky to have the money and time to worry about whether my kids are doing too much.
So why do my second-graders do so much? Well, the new Saturday workshops were both chosen at the behest of our girls, who have demonstrated a strong interest in art and theater. This year especially, I’ve benefited from the after-school childcare that these activities provide for us–Brownies and Enviro club both meet at their school, so no transportation worries there. They enjoy hanging out with their friends and making new ones, and I enjoy not having to schedule tons of playdates.
But also, the kinds of activities we sign them up for and encourage are a way that we transmit and reinforce our own values. We are not church-going people, so we have to build community in other ways. Laura at 11d wants to raise active kids, and we do too, as well as creative, compassionate kids, and while we do a lot as a family to transmit these values, it’s great for our kids to be surrounded by adults and kids who believe in the same ideas and practices. If we did go to church, I expect we would have a similar experience there, but for now, it’ll be Brownies, and piano, and drawing, and music, as well as summers at the pool and walks to the duck pond.
Church can just add more pressure. Like running into a fellow parishoner at the grocery and hearing “Missed you at church, Sunday.” Maybe it’s a genuine comment, but maybe it’s judgement.
Ooooh, that doesn’t sound good! Judgment isn’t a really good community-builder, I don’t think
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Such a good post on this topic. I do think the community-building aspect is important, and I’ve also really grown to love seeing what kind of communities my three kids’ various interests involve me in. Over the years, they’ve been involved in after-school science clubs, piano, little league, hip hop dance, soccer, speech and debate, theater, Brownies, cheer, chess, and on and on–these are all whole new worlds for the whole family to meet new people and for us as parents to see our kids in different ways.
And yes, if the worst thing our kids can say as adults is that Dad coached their t-ball teams and Mom led a writing workshop for the Brownie troop, I’ll be very happy.
Amy, did you do the Write Away! Try-It for your daughter’s Brownie troop? Me too! And I agree too on the different kinds of communities you get to be a part of–our piano teacher throws a party at a church hall a few times a year for all her students, and at the last one, we met a little boy in Sophie’s class and they never knew they shared a piano class!
I think sports would add a new level of hectic–more practices, more weekends, possibly more traveling. So far my girls are not too interested, though I think they will try swim classes or swim team this summer.
Thanks for stopping by, and for the kind words!
Um, just to clarify, our kids are 14, 10, and 8. So it’s not like they did that insanely long list of activities all at the same time. Because that would be nuts. The two older ones pretty much do one activity at a time; our youngest is a whole different kind of kid and wants to be doing something 24/7, so she does Brownies, dance, and soccer in the fall/baseball in the spring.
I had everything streamlined into one activity for my son (a sport or music lesson; he was dabbling) and one for my daughter (dance). Then my son was diagnosed with AS, and I went into socialization overdrive. The running around I do now is mainly for him: psychologist, Cub Scouts, and Lego Club, (which both kids do but which I am running, so it’s pretty much twice the stress as simply ferrying them to and fro). It’s driving me insane.
Wendy, I agree on the running stress– next school year, I will probably be one of our Brownie troop leaders, and I expect that will result in some stressed entries in the fall! And your point about different motivations is important too–that’s a different kind of juggling and stress in many ways.
Lego club sounds like something kids would love, but might be tricky to run–do the kids all bring their own legos, or do you ferry your own back and forth? Do you do different activities, or do they just hang out and build with Legos? Both sound fun!
We have a huge box of Legos that the PTO bought. I have to confess that I’m having a bit of trouble with kid management. I have 23 kids in the club, and most of them are 4th grade boys, who are losing interest after half an hour of an hour-long club. I’m not used to having to deal with overactive children en masse, and I haven’t quite figured out how to keep them occupied. I wish I could get my sister, an elementary school teacher, to come help me out, but she’s in NY and I’m in MA. Maybe I should find a helper.
Wendy, that does sound like a lot of 4th grade boys to have for an hour! Do you give them a snack? In my club experience, snacks take up time and can also be a way to settle them down at the beginning. What about challenges for each day? Like today you have to make something all in one color, or see what each one can make with exactly 23 blocks? Maybe have them try and build different scenes, from movies or books they are reading? 4th grade boys are mysterious to me, so I have no idea if any of that is actually helpful. I think having a helper is great if you can find one–can you recruit another parent?
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