Children and Money
08 Feb 2010 10 Comments
in all about me, conversations, family life
Recently, after much discussion and years of deliberating, we decided to start giving the girls an allowance. My kids are getting piggy banks for Valentine’s Day, along with a printed copy of this coloring book, and each Saturday, if their rooms are reasonably clean (floor is clear, beds are made, laundry is put away or in the dirty clothes bin, playroom is tidy), they will each earn five dollars.
I got the idea for the banks from Trent at TSD, who has blogged before about his family choices when it comes to allowances. We tried a chores-for-rewards system for awhile, and it did help my girls become more helpful and responsible for tasks like clearing their plates, setting the table, or doing their homework, but it didn’t teach them as much about money as I had hoped it would, and stocking the Chore Store got a little burdensome. Now that our girls are in second grade, more and more of their friends are getting allowances, so the discussion resurfaced. We both believe strongly in the idea of letting kids make mistakes with moneybefore they are out from under our roof, and we both believe in having our kids do chores. We don’t have a housecleaner–we don’t even have a dishwasher–and we think our kids should take an appropriate role in helping keep the household machine working smoothly.
I think most people would agree on some variation of both of these ideas, but should they be tied together? Should the allowance be premised on the completion of chores?
Like I said, we’ve gone back and forth for years. The idea of handing out money, no strings or conditions attached, has never made much sense to me. How is that comparable to real-world situations? Many experts argue that taking part in household tasks should be part of every family member’s role, not connected to money. Others say that you weaken the system by adding money, because a child can refuse to take out the trash if the money doesn’t prove to be a big enough incentive. I think we are getting around that in some ways, because if the girls don’t clean their rooms, they are the ones most affected, whereas trash or pet care are chores that affect us all. Like I said earlier, my kids already clear their plates and hang up their coats and small tasks like that, so cleaning their room is a bigger task that should be worth the money, but really only affects them.
Other benefits of the system we are going to try is that it builds in savings and charitable donations, which my partner and I build into our own budget, but the girls don’t see much evidence of that. I’m going to suggest Heifer International and Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library for their first donations, because I think those are concrete enough to seize their imaginations. One potential drawback will be that we will have to establish a checklist, probably posted on the wall of their bedroom, that clearly delineates when “cleaning the room” means. I don’t want this to turn into an eternal round of negotiations and arguing about what constitutes “clean enough” for the allowance. I say “we” because I do think it’s fair to have all four of us involved in writing this checklist, so the girls feel they have a voice in the decision too.
I could have sworn I had blogged about this before, but couldn’t find anything in my archives. What about your family? How do you handle chores and allowances?
Feb 08, 2010 @ 18:05:25
We’re sort of all over the map on this one. We have an expectation of chores–though not weekly room cleaning. But everyone needs to do at least one chore on every weekend day (sometimes this includes things like going to the grocery store). And we do a weekly allowance–that is not tied to the chores. Although I forget to give it out so often that I’ve instituted a policy of “if you don’t remind me during that week, you’ve lost it.” Strangely, we still miss it now and then.
Feb 08, 2010 @ 22:46:46
Like I said, we have daily expectations, and that has worked okay. What we do now with their rooms is very haphazard– we ask for dirty clothes and bring baskets of clean ones back up for them to put away, and then periodically the playroom will get so messy they don’t want to go in it, ditto the bedroom, and we all spend a grumpy weekend morning throwing away bags or broken crayons and piles of paper and cat hair. After a recent grumpy weekend, I couldn’t handle it anymore, so we decided to try something new!
Feb 09, 2010 @ 07:02:54
Our method is a bit crazy. In theory, we give an allowance every week and the kids do things like clean up the kitchen, keep their rooms neat, and whatever else I decide to throw at them. They almost always do their chores, or whatever I ask, without complaint. We almost always forget to give them allowance. What often ends up happening is they either get a chunk of cash that they deposit into their savings accounts, or we take them shopping. It’s not consistent, I realize, but I think they’ve taken on the attitude that they live in the house and that they should be responsible for helping out, allowance or no allowance.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 11:14:51
I’ve taken the girls to Target and let them choose things from the dollar area in exchange for a clean room, and I won’t be surprised if that happens again! The attitude is more important than consistency, I think.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 07:53:29
In theory, the eldest gets $5 per week (she’s 14 – $5 seems a lot for 2nd graders to me) – the little one hasn’t much concept of money and doesn’t get one yet – she seems happy with the occasional birthday or Christmas money from relatives mostly. The $5 isn’t really connected to chores. She has daily chores that are not optional, as part of her responsibility to the family, and she is not paid for them – likewise she is not paid for minding her sister when we need her to. She does, however, have the standing option of choosing to do a “$10 chore” if she wants to earn money – something bigger that is not part of her daily responsibilities like washing the car or weeding the flower beds or organizing the cabinets. She pretty much never chooses to do this. The little one occasionally asks for a 50-cent chore to earn money towards something when she is in a money mood.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 11:18:25
LSM, the $5 number is partially to make sure they have enough to save and spend on charity and then still have money left over to spend. I thought they might only spend it if they had less, or it might seem hard to save. Who knows– we’re certainly open to adjustment.
When I was a teenager, it was my job to mow the lawn, and my mom would pay me $15 each time, but that was never optional! I only got out of it once I was old enough to convince my boyfriend to do it a few times and then I did the rest.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 08:01:02
Noah has a weekly paper route where he makes a tidy sum every month (forty or fifty bucks depending on how many inserts he has). Half goes into savings and 10% goes to tzadakah (charity). Our synagogue does a thing every year where different charities come and present to the kids and then the kids go around to the booths and donate. (The animal charities always rake it in because they bring actual dogs.) He’s good at budgeting and managing his money.
Madison has no allowance and I’m not sure if she will have one because Noah never did but she’s a different kid and I think she’ll need more money practice ‘cuz she’s way more impulsive. We wouldn’t tie it to chores though because my feeling is we all help with the home because we all live in it.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 11:25:10
Dawn, there’s a debate now at 11d about whether or not kids should have jobs, and I come down firmly on the job side too. That synagogue charity fair sounds like such a great idea! I’m thinking about taking the girls to an animal shelter if they decide they want to donate their money there, so they can see what the money would be going to help with–cuddly puppies!
I think the impulse connection is a valid one too–impulse shopping continues to be one of my weak spots, and that’s after years of trying to break myself of the habit. I have gotten it much more under control, but the earlier my kids start to deal with that, the better, I think.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 21:55:01
I think real jobs are harder now that things are so much more spread out and hard to get to. With the exception of one summer job at a fast food place I could walk to, my teen jobs were babysitting, for which I was much in demand, but for which I got picked up and returned by parents. I don’t see my kids having cars so jobs may be tough except for that kind of job. My teen’s non-optional chores are pretty extensive – things that have to get done, period, like the dishes. The optional for-pay ones are ones that probably just won’t get done at all unless she wants to earn some money.
Feb 09, 2010 @ 23:19:05
I didn’t have a car till I was a senior in college– I used my mom’s car to get to jobs when I was home or in high school, and my college jobs during the school year were all on-campus. Sometimes friends or boyfriends would give me rides, but most of the time I just shared one with my mom, which I’m sure she hated! I’d like to be able to give our girls a car to share sometime in their junior or senior year of high school, but we’ll see how that goes.