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Monthly Archives: December 2011

2011: Year In Review

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As 2011 draws to a close, I look over the year and see where I’ve been and how it affected me; getting to review my year this way is one of the reasons I keep blogging. The opportunity to reflect is so important to me, and blogging is one of my major tools to keep this focus in my life. Not to mention, my memory seems to get worse and worse every year!

In January, I became active on Twitter, fell in love with The King’s Speech, and finished up my first senior elective with a windows and mirrors project. I thought a lot about high pressure parenting and sustainable marriages, two concerns that are always close to my heart.  February brought cautionary tales for teachers and the very beginning of a big project for me in March, my March Madness poetry tournament. I also set myself a poetic challenge and met it, with great success. I also felt ambivalent about spring break balance, which haunts me every year, I think.

It’s become a tradition of mine to spend April doing as many poetry-related activities as possible, so it was fitting that I wrapped up my tournament and challenged myself again (though with less success this time). April is also a big month for me as a GSA advisor, and I was proud to see my club members create our most successful Day of Silence yet. In May, my girls turned nine and my grandmother died, so it was a month spent with family, and thinking about gratitude. I got a little discouraged about teaching ambition and resorted to bribery.

And then it was summer! For whatever reason, I spent a fair amount of June posting about teaching. I considered keeping a teaching journal and even bought one by the end of the summer, though I have since lost it (must check my desk at school). I reviewed my evaluations, watched my students graduate and received the perfect end-of-year gift. In July, I got a little clutter crazy and fell in love with Spotify, an affair that is still raging today. I also continued my teacher-blogging streak, posting reviews of helpful books and thinking about professional development.

In August, I finished my thirty-second year and turned 33, and spent my birthday exactly how I would have liked. I also made two resolutions, regarding organizing my wardrobe and focusing on fitness. Unfortunately, my fitness resolution has progressed more in fits and starts, but on the brighter side, my closet focus has really made my life easier. In September, I kept up my healthy momentum, reflected on priorities and had a tough disappointment in my own balancing act. But I also embraced my inner dictionary nerd and reviewed a book that continues to influence my teaching.

In October, I was thinking and writing about social justice issues, about being a GLTBQ ally at school and in in families, and pondering my relationship with feminism. I reconnected with Hemingway and was pleasantly surprised at what I found, and in related news, reflected on my Kindle. In that same reflective mood, I thought about who I am, who I was, and what decisions led me here.

In November, I set myself a fun cooking challenge, made my first pizza crust, and spent some time in grading jail. I read a childhood favorite with my girls and got some great poetic news.  December saw us struggling with a very itchy foe, as I struggled with work overload and my girls learned some homework lessons. In gearing up for Christmas, I thought a lot about screen time and usage, and how I friend or don’t friend my students on Facebook.

Wrapping up the year in reflection, I have been so pleased with two ongoing projects of mine: my outfit journal and my gratitude journal, both of which have made my life easier and more peaceful. I also made some goals and resolutions for the upcoming year.

Thank you for coming along on this journey with me, and I hope you have a wonderful New Year.

Goals and Resolutions

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43 Things list - reading, before the cull

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Two years ago, inspired by The Simple Dollar, I made a series of posts dedicated to goals of mine in the areas of blogging, writing, and personal and family life. At the end of that year, I joined 43 Things and set myself some more, from painting my staircase to writing a new poem each month, reading War and Peace and keeping a gratitude journal.

So how did I do? Well, on the 2010 goals, I made huge progress on my writing and blogging goals, but continue to struggle with personal goals like exercising and cooking healthier for my family. On the 43 Things goals, I painted my staircase and kept the gratitude journal very successfully, but never got deeper than 100 pages into War and Peace and wrote only a handful of new poems. I spent some time recently going through my goals and resolutions and added some new ones for the upcoming year; I’m PatchworkJackie there if you want to join me. Some of my goals include joining a poetry group and cleaning out my basement, as well as keeping a teaching journal, exercising twice a week and buying a chest freezer.

Trent at The Simple Dollar always takes some heat from his commenters for setting lofty goals they think he’ll never reach (losing a pound a week, finishing two novels in 2012). I sometimes think I should only set fewer, more accessible goals too, but I think it’s silly to feel ashamed of not holding up to some of your resolutions. If you only set easy goals, it’s not much of an achievement to meet them, and you won’t feel the same sense of accomplishment.

I knew a writer once who said her goal for the year was to get more rejection letters, because that would mean she was frequently sending out with her work, with great ambition.  Setting that goal ended up earning her more acceptances than she had ever received before, and I think the same theory applies to any goals.  The more you set, and the higher you aim, the more likely the odds of achieving greatness.

Here’s wishing for a 2012 full of success and adventure!

A Year in Gratitude Journaling

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Gratitude , The Tall Ships' Races, Szczecin 2007

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For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with sleep.  From staying up too late to waking up too early, I’ve never taken a good night’s sleep for granted. However, in the past few years, I’ve finally managed to take some significant steps toward healthier sleep habits, including cutting out caffeinated soda, not relying on OTC sleep aids, and cutting out screen time earlier than I hope to be asleep.  While I have sometimes slipped, making these concrete changes has helped me fall asleep quicker and more smoothly than ever before.  Once I made these bigger changes, it was easier to think about what else I could do to give myself better sleep.

One of the habits I began this year (and actually maintained) was keeping a gratitude journal.  My habit is pretty simple; I keep the notebook on my night table, and once I’ve settled into my bed for my nighttime routine, I write down as many reasons to be grateful as I feel I can honestly note for that day. I try to be as specific as possible, and I try to write something for every day. Have I missed some days? Yes, but I think it’s only a handful, and I didn’t let those missed days throw me off completely.

So what I have been thankful for?  As I look over the pages, I see my children, my husband, my parents and my sister.  I see friendship, food, good books and movies and meals.  Sometimes I filled half a page, and other times I struggled to write down one or two scribbled phrases.  I was thankful for my job, for long walks on sunny days, writing and blogging. I was very often thankful for Fridays; every cliche becomes repeated for a reason!

Honestly, when I’ve been in periods of my life when sleep is hardest to achieve, I used to look on advice like this to be pointless; I was convinced that my sleep issues would never be solved by something as silly or simple as writing down things I’m thankful for in a little notebook. But now that I’ve made it a part of my life, it has become very meaningful to me, and I am so glad I established this new habit.

Keeping An Outfit Journal

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Back in the summertime when I cleaned out my closet, I was inspired by Sally at Already Pretty who’s become one of my daily check-ins and has given me a lot of food for thought as far as style and beauty. While our taste may often differ, the way she thinks about her wardrobe and her positive, empowering attitude have been really inspiring for me in becoming more polished in my personal image.

One of the entries that left me thinking for days was her outfit list,where she keeps a numbered list of all the possible outfits that can be made with her existing wardrobe. I decided to take this idea and modify it for myself, so here’s what I’ve done almost every day since the beginning of the school year:

  • First, I bought myself a marbled composition book, which stays on my nightstand.
  • During my great closet reorganization, I made categories of the clothes I own and wrote down each item of clothing in the front pages of the notebook. This helped me see what I owned a lot of already (cardigans) and what I needed to stock up on (work-appropriate pants, layering shirts in neutral tones).
  • Every morning once I’ve settled on my outfit for the day, I write it down in my notebook, on one line per day, grouped by week.
  • I only keep track of my work outfits, because it’s that image that I’m most concerned with, but I have found that paying this attention has also helped me think more about my casual clothes.
  • The next morning, when I’m writing down that day’s outfit, I look at the previous entry and put an asterisk next to it if it was an outfit that made me feel particularly good that day.

That’s it!

There are a number of benefits to this system for me, so far.  First, it helps me keep track of what pieces I wear frequently (hello, trouser jeans) and what combinations (like tights/boots/cardigan in the same color).  It also helps me notice what outfits are my favorites, and what outfits don’t work as well to make me feel good when wearing them.  When I bought some new things, like some colored tights, it helped me think about how to wear them, and when I semi-splurged on a button-up sweater/jacket from Anthropologie, (it was on clearance!) it was comforting to see how smoothly it slipped in with the rest of my wardrobe, and how often I utilized it in different combinations. Reviewing the list, even just in passing, has also helped me notice when I have pieces I haven’t worn yet, and think about how and when I will.  Finally, I don’t know if this is true for every teacher, but one of my own dreaded scenarios is becoming that teacher who wore the same dress twice a week and then again the next week.  Since my students are all girls, and all in uniforms, I’m very self-conscious about what they see me in, and whether it’s varied enough. Tracking my outfits like this helps me avoid wearing the same outfit too close together, and even wearing the same pieces too often.  One unintended (but welcome) benefit is that I haven’t felt like I have nothing to wear as often as I have in previous school years.  Yes, I have gotten a little bored and find myself surfing my favorite online shopping sites, but the urge to pull the trigger has definitely lessened.  At the end of the year, I’m going to use my notebook to help me pare down my wardrobe once again, and think again about what I need to add.

Truth be told, I feel a little…silly? admitting that I put this thought into my clothes, though I’m not sure why. Does it make me look superficial, overly organized, or both? I’ve never thought of myself as the kind of person who thinks this much about her clothes, but then again, what does that even mean? Or do I feel like this probably comes naturally to a lot of people, but I need to set up these systems to make sure I can do it? Would my students laugh if they knew getting dressed was this complicated for me?

However, no matter what weird hang-ups I have about it, I love my outfit list, and it’s a habit I’ll definitely be keeping.

Holiday

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Ecce Puer

James Joyce

Of the dark past
A child is born;
With joy and grief
My heart is torn.

Calm in his cradle
The living lies.
May love and mercy
Unclose his eyes!

Young life is breathed
On the glass;
The world that was not
Comes to pass.

A child is sleeping:
An old man gone.
O, father forsaken,
Forgive your son!

Teachers, Students and Facebook

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If you are my Facebook friend, you know that I am a frequent user of the site, checking in several times daily, posting pictures, commenting on statuses and syncing my music playlists through Spotify. I utilize all the site’s privacy features, but I definitely do a lot of communicating on Facebook. If you’ve been around long enough, you know that I even taught a university-level course on Facebook Culture for a few semesters, and that I am always looking for new ways to use teaching with technology. Finally, of course, I have been blogging for about eight years, presenting a (carefully curated) continuing portrait of my interests and personality.

All of this might lead you to believe that I have positive views on using Facebook to connect with my current students, and when I was teaching at the university level, I did set up a Facebook group for my courses and use it to communicate with students about course business. However, I was and am firmly opposed to connecting with my current high school students via Facebook, text messaging, or other non-school-related forms of communication.

For me, there are some key distinctions here: my high school students are still children, legally and emotionally, in ways that my college students were not. This means that inherently, there is a power dynamic present that any responsible adult should be very careful not to exploit. We often see this manifested as inappropriate sexual behavior, but what about the teacher who “friends” some students but not others, who sends chatty text messages to Janie but not Jenny? How does Jenny continue to feel fairly treated in that classroom? It also means that they still need us to be adults, to be safe adults in their lives and to draw boundaries for them about what is and is not acceptable and appropriate, including in matters of communication. Just like in parenting, we are not aiming to be our students’ “friends,” or our children’s “friends.” We are not their peers, and when we try too much to be, we erode our ability to continue to act as authority figures.

I feel like it’s important for me to clarify here that I don’t take this position because I’m embarrassed of anything my students would know about me if we were connected on Facebook; it’s categorically impossible for drunk photos of me to exist, for example, and I have no secret past as a sex worker.    Also, one work-around I have seen is for teachers to create separate FB accounts for their “teacher” persona, using the name of the high school as their middle name or simply naming themselves “Mr./Ms.” instead of their first name, so that they can still communicate with students on FB without linking their “real” accounts. If a teacher honestly felt that FB was the only effective way to reach their students, I can see this being useful.

It’s become an end-of-year tradition that once students at my school graduate, I see a rush of new requests and friendships popping up in my FB feed, for me and for my fellow teachers. This feels right and good; these students are moving into the adult world, and I’m glad to connect with them as they move forward. I learn about new music, see pictures of their happy faces in new cities, and ignore the mentions of drinking or the occasional swear. We trade links back and forth, and I love to see them when they come back to Baltimore. But for me, I can only really think of them as “friends,” FB or otherwise, once they are no longer my students, and that is as it should be.

Holidaze

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The Christmas shopping is complete, though I’ve still got a lot of wrapping to do. I’ve made one wave of cookies: sugar cookies, peanut butter blossoms and chocolate surprise cookies, and handed them out to the girls’ teachers. The tree is decorated, and we’ve had the girls’ holiday photos taken. I think I’ve got the menu ready for our traditional Christmas brunch with our extended family, and we’ve got a few special family outings planned for the vacation.

Things are a little more low-key than previous years; no NYC plans, and no massive presents requiring much assembly or subterfuge. Instead of baking dozens and dozens of cookies in one day, I’m spreading it out over the next few weeks. Instead of stressing too much, I’m feeling levelheaded. It seems fitting to end 2011 this way, a year that has had its share of ups and downs, but overall, has been more on a even keel.

Here’s hoping the last few days of the year will be full of joy and peace.

Homework Lessons

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Overheard around my house recently:

“Wait, when is my project due? Is today the 17th?”

“Well, Lucy was straightening my binder for me, and she accidentally recycled my rough draft. Does that mean I have to write it over again?”

“Girls, why are we just realizing this now?! I’ve asked you every day this week how your projects are going, and you keep telling me they are fine!”

“I have to write about the Aztec Cheetah.” “There’s no such thing.” “Wait–the Asiatic cheetah? Is that a thing?”

“I’m only four pages into this book for my report, and already, five people have died of a terrible fever.”

“Where’s your assignment? I thought I told you to keep it on the fridge with a magnet, so it would be safe.”

“I can’t find my story organizer! It’s due tomorrow morning!”

“I lost my rough draft–do I have to write it all over again?!”

“I left all my cheetah research at school, and it’s due on Monday.”

“I thought my teachers were nice, but they are mean for giving me two projects at the same time.”

“Part of the lessons of these projects are to teach you organization and responsibility, which clearly, you are having trouble with, so can we try and learn a lesson from all this?!”

Tears. Sighs. Pouting. Crankiness.

Homework.

Screens in the Bedroom, and Everywhere Else

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Unless you’re willing to commit to a no-screens house, screen time is one of the major battles of modern parenting. I was reminded of this recently when a friend of ours with a toddler was lamenting the degradation of her earlier rigid no-TV standards and saying that her son already knows how to open Netflix on his iPad. While my kids don’t own anything with the magical “i” prefix (yet), I see my students struggling with the screen time quandary, which has heavily influenced my own thinking. Screen time is one of the issues that continues to evolve and unfold as children grow older, so that every time you think you’ve got it knocked, it mutates again.

The first decision in the screen time battles is when to start allowing any screen time at all, whether you’ll follow the AAP recommendation against allowing it under the age of two or not. New parents especially spend a lot of time and energy worrying about this one and its possible effects on their little cherub. Unfortunately, what they don’t realize is that this is the easiest screen time battle they will face, a mere skirmish compared to what’s ahead.

The second battle is over how many hours of screen time you will allow, while the third battle concerns what you will allow those screen hours to be spent consuming. These are the battles you will continue to fight on many fronts, and the ones your children will resist most vigorously. Will you record all the shows so you can skip commercials? Will you allow shows that you personally don’t like (I banned SpongeBob, to my children’s chagrin)? What rules apply when they are at someone else’s house? Are children allowed to watch when adults aren’t in the room? Will you set up parental controls? Will you allow online games like Webkinz? Will you let your girls watch Jersey Shore when everyone else does, Mooooooooooom?  There are also stickier areas, such as whether you will friend your children on Facebook or how much digital privacy you will allow.

The fourth battle, and the most modern one, is over the number of portable screens you’ll allow, and what rules you will attempt to impose. These are the screens adults have the least control over in many ways, and I know many teenage girls who are sleeping with their cell phones under their pillows, set to vibrate in case they get an important text during the wee hours. I also know girls who text at the table and update Twitter on the way into church.  Cell phones help us feel safe when we’re driving, and my own school requires students to have laptops for schoolwork, so these devices are harder to eliminate, and must instead be moderated.

So far, we have conquered some of these issues and continue to face others, but the next looming one, I believe, will be whether or not we allow screens in the bedrooms. Right now, I only use my laptop in my bedroom if I’m doing a marathon of grading, and neither of us use our phones very much in our bedroom. When I was growing up, my mother had a strict no-TV-in-bedrooms rule for my sister and me, and I always thought I would follow it myself as a parent. Now that the potential number of screens has increased so much, with at least one arguably educational (computers), I know this will be much trickier for us. However, in watching my own students, I see reasons every day for keeping the bedrooms screen-free, and at this point, we are going to enforce this with our own kids, when the time comes.

Do you have screens in your bedrooms?  How do you handle it? I’m interested in answers for both children and adults.

Annual Recap Posts

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Soon I’ll be working on my 2011 recap post, where I’ll look over the year’s worth of blog posts, think about patterns, and begin to look forward. I started doing this in 2008 and kept it up over the next two years, making it a regular tradition for me now.

Looking over the past few years sometimes makes me frustrated (I first started wishing for a backyard patio or deck in 2008, which has still not yet come to fruition) or satisfied (in that same year, I vowed to paint the entry hallway and upstairs bathroom, both of which are finished). I think about beginnings: in that first recap post, my girls started first grade and my husband started law school, which he will finish in May. I was still adjuncting then, and still straddling two career paths, and at this point, my feet are solidly on a path I know is the right one for me.

2009 and 2010 each brought their own share of milestones and excitement, and some patterns are evident that still show up in my life today. We began our family involvement with Scouting, I started blogging more and more about teaching, and periodically I posted about poetry. I blogged every day for a month in both of those years, and reminded myself why blogging and writing is so important to me. I set goals and recorded accomplishments; I had bad days and times when the blog went dark while I reflected or retreated. I went from turning 30 to being solidly in my thirties, and feeling pretty good about that so fair.

Soon I’ll look over 2011 in more detail, but so far (knock wood), it’s been a pretty lovely year for us. I think the fact that I can say that while currently battling a lice infestation speaks to the credibility of that statement! 2012 is going to be a year of incredible landmarks: our tenth wedding anniversary, our daughters’ tenth birthday, and my husband’s graduation from law school. It’s been nice to have a year like this one, to help us build up to all that lies ahead.

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