Image via CrunchBase
Lucy and I went out for a mother-daughter lunch recently, and while we were chatting, she said that many of her classmates were going to ask for smartphones for their 5th grade graduation present. Trying to hide my total surprise, I asked her if she thought she might want that too. “No,” she said, “I really don’t see the point of it for kids my age.” I nodded and agreed, but I know that if my kids had older siblings, or were playing on traveling sports teams, they might well be one of those kids needing to stay in closer touch with us. But then the texting, and the screen time, and restrictions; such a can of worms to open!
Even more recently, I saw a popular post written by a blogger as a letter to her 13 year old son, who got his first iPhone for Christmas. It’s a wonderful and thoughtful approach, and there were a few lines that felt especially valuable to me.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m.
I hear my students say that they sleep with their cell phones under their pillows so they feel the vibrations when they get new texts, no matter how asleep they are, and other students say they use the phone as their alarms, so they have to keep it in their rooms overnight. Parents say the kids are constantly attached, interfering with family time and communication, and that they struggle with knowing where to draw the line. We know that kids are using their phones as their Internet sources more and more, but they still need that time to disconnect, to get healthy sleep, and to keep the online world in its proper place and perspective. I would definitely adopt a similar policy with my own kids, after what I’ve heard as a teacher.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
Again, so important! Adolescents are learning so much about themselves and the kind of people and friends they want to be, and they will inevitably make mistakes and not be as kind or empathetic as we would like to think they are. But the shock on a friend’s face when you stumble and say something you shouldn’t can be a powerful corrective that just isn’t possible when you dash off a quick text and send it flying.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
I think the lesson this mother is trying to teach her son here is one that is important to teach our children in so many arenas, from schoolwork and grades to mastering digital balance and etiquette. It’s all a process, and we are there to guide them, not punish them.
Do your kids have cellphones? How old were they when they got their first one? What rules have you established?
Related articles
- Half of Americans only have cellphones (newsnet5.com)
- New limits on cellphone use for Illinois drivers (wqad.com)
- What To Consider Before Buying Your Child A Cell Phone (scrapsofmygeeklife.com)
- Kids, Cell Phones and Smart Phones- What is Your Child Ready For? (And what about you?) (hormonecoloreddays.blogspot.com)
Both of my kids have smartphones. They both sleep with them, but they’re off. We used to keep them out of the bedroom, but now we just have a rule that if that becomes a problem, we take the phone away. Steph got her phone at 12, Thad at 16. Basically, they got them at the same time. We talk about being appropriate online all the time. It is a responsibility not a privilege.
12 seems so much older than 10 to me, but then, some of the fifth graders are probably already 11, I guess? Same time seems appropriate too.
Eldest has a phone. She got her first cell phone in the middle of 6th grade when she was 12. She was catching the bus to school after I had already left for work in the mornings and there were occasionally issues when the bus did not show, etc. It was just a prepaid phone with just enough minutes to keep us connected as needed and no texting. A year and a half later, between seventh and eighth grade, I added a line for her to my cell phone plan and got a phone with texting for her. Without a smart phone, no real rules (besides the obvious precautions) were needed for her – she did not use it for entertainment, really – just communication. Kids text rather than talk when being logistic these days, but she rarely uses the phone to socialize – more to set up socializing. She gives me no problems. We both still have dumb phones today but I just upgraded her to her first smart phone and an add-on data plan last night – it should arrive tomorrow. It is pretty basic – Sprint doesn’t consider it a smart phone, actually – but it does what we mean when we say smart phone, which is access the internet. She is 17.
The eight-year-old will get a phone when she has a need for one – like if she is catching the bus or walking to/from school while we are at work when she is older. She will probably not need one as soon, actually, since she does not attend a neighborhood school and buses and walking may not be an option for her in middle school – we’ll see.
That all sounds totally reasonable–I know a lot of my students use their phones for logistics and transportation (plus a little socializing). We’ll see how it goes once my kids get a little older and make their own social plans.