Category Archives: all about me

While this isn’t a personal/confessional blog, per se, from time to time, my posts will feature info or anecdotes that are… all about me. Kind of self-explanatory, I guess.

Desk Shrine

Posted by Jackie in all about me

Desk Shrine

Next to my desk, in my classroom, is a little bookshelf, full of books I teach and have taught, and the top of that bookshelf has become a little shrine, the most personal corner of my room and one that makes me smile every time I see it. From left to right, here’s the stories of what you see:

  • top left: this sign is left from last year’s senior class, who turned our school into Hogwarts for the day
  • top right: my room doesn’t have windows, so I made some “faux-windows” with flowered wrapping paper, and added a lovely Nikki McClure poster (get your own here)
  • bottom left: this giraffe is made from strips of soda cans, and my sister bought it for me at the Smithsonian years ago
  • behind the red water bottle: a mini-plush version of Fawkes, the phoenix from Dumbledore‘s office
  • Card from my sister, reads “SRSLY” on the front, because we send each emails and chat throughout the day, and sometimes our emails consist of abbreviations like this (or WTF, or OMG, or LOL–more text speak than I use when actually texting, even)
  • whale: this came from our trip to Luray Caverns last summer, and I bought it because it reminds me of a little donkey in the same stone that my father bought me there, as a souvenir when I was very young
  • parrot mug: this came from my grandmother’s house, and reminds me of her flamboyant spirit and attitude
  • colored notes: for the past few years, our advisory activity in mid-November has been writing thank-you notes to different members of the community, and these are the ones I received this year–I love this activity, and treasure the notes
  • white notes: these are the cards that came with bouquets of flowers my husband has sometimes surprised me with at school
  • sunflower card: a wonderful thank-you note I received from the GSA president this year, a girl whose manners are only exceeded by her energy, enthusiasm, brilliance and leadership
  • gold picture frame: these are baby pictures of my own dear girls in these little knitted hats a grad-school friend made them, so one looks like an apple and the other a lemon
  • silver picture frame: I have two pictures in this one, one at the zoo when my girls were in preschool, and the other down at the Baltimore harbor when they were only a year or two older

It’s a hodge-podge of colors and memories, and while I didn’t put a lot of formal planning into it, it’s evolved into an important visual part of my daily routine, reminding me why I do what I do and why I am who I am.

Ooh Ooh Child

Posted by Jackie in all about me

Ooh Oooh child, things are gonna get easier

I’m always surprised by the music my students know; I hear girls humming the Beatles in the hallway and they know all the words to “Thriller,” but then last year an earnest senior student said to me, “My college essay is about Kurt Cobain; do you know who that is?” He died when I was your age, I said, and I remember so many of my friends crying that day. We bond over Beyonce and they introduce me to Odd Future and we all get excited when Anything Can Happen comes on.

Some day, yeah
We’ll get it together and we’ll get it all done

Lately, “Oooh Oooh Child” has been a popular one; almost any mention of words in the lyrics will start off girls singing, sometimes under their breath, sometimes just one, but other times a duo or a trio will sing in harmony, and more than once a girl has just busted it out, unconsciously and louder than even she expected.

Some day, yeah
We’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter

There are so many reasons, it seems, to see darkness lately, and as always, it’s these girls who lead me to the light and remind me of my place in the world and the possibilities that they represent. They are changing and growing almost by the minute; they are tender-hearted and selfish both, and they teach and surprise and frustrate and inspire me. I feel so lucky to spend my days with them, and to have my nest in this community. This has been such a tough year, in so many ways, but I know I am stronger for it, and I know even more clearly what I value and what I hold closest to my heart.

Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things’ll get brighter
Right now, right now

One of Those “I’m So Busy” Posts

Posted by Jackie in all about me, writing

It’s April:

  • the point in the school year where so much is behind you, and yet so much still looms ahead.
  • Day of Silence time
  • keeping track of 50 different student extra credit projects for National Poetry Month
  • making sure I’ve got a poem to post every day for the Pulitzer Remix project
  • my husband and daughter are acting together in a production of Midsummer’s Night Dream, as Puck and Moth the fairy, respectively; the show opens this weekend, which means they’ve got dress rehearsals all week, and while I’m thrilled to see the show, I’ll be happy to have my husband back too!
  • everyone seems to be dreaming summertime dreams already, as we slog through the spring showers
  • the seniors are making plans for a world that seems so close and still so far away; some of them are still pushing ahead with some focus and energy, but many are not, and it’s hard to blame them!
  • I start to think about all the things I did wrong this year, or didn’t do, or want to change for next year
  • the spring sunshine streaming in on certain days shows me just how cluttered my house has become
  • I make new resolutions about all the exercising I’m going to do once the sun comes out for good
  • Unbloggable Stuff that seems to add new complications to every day

Thank goodness I’m feeling better, because otherwise, I’m not sure how I would push through the rest of the year!

Living Without a Dishwasher

Posted by Jackie in all about me, cooking and tagged with , , ,
dishwasher

dishwasher (Photo credit: Joanna Bourne)

In the five-almost-six years that we’ve been living in this house, we’ve made lots of changes: painted walls, refinished stairs, installed ceiling fans. replaced major appliances, repaired gutters, hung curtains, planted bushes and flowers. I’d like to replace our fridge and stove somewhere in the future, but one appliance I haven’t spent any time thinking about: a dishwasher.

I haven’t had a dishwasher since I lived at home with my parents, so for the majority of the year since the summer of 1996, I’ve lived in apartments and houses without dishwashers. In those years, my household size has gone from four (college) to one (grad school) to two (early marriage) to four again, after our girls were born. In those years, we made our own baby food, and I’ve taught myself how to bake and cook. I’ve made birthday cakes and roasted chickens, hosted holiday brunches and cookouts, and made countless meatloaves and batches of cookies.

In those years, I can’t say I’ve come up with many helpful tips or used any fancy equipment; I do like using patterned sponges with fun colors, but I buy whatever dish soap is on sale, and our Dish Drainer is pretty basic. I never thought about wearing dish gloves, but these Very Cherry ones are pretty cute! I try never to go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink, and I always wash dishes before I start cooking. We have an old-fashioned double sink, so you can fit a fair amount in there before it gets too out of control.

I’m the primary dishwasher in our house, and while I often sigh and grumble when faced with my third shift of the day, as household chores go, it’s not bad at all. Doing enough dishes to fill up the drainer takes under ten minutes, and when you’re done, you have a very tangible, visible result, unlike so many other household chores. There is a certain Sisyphean element to it, but laundry, sweeping, and decluttering are really no different. I don’t feel limited in what I can tackle as a home cook, and sometimes, the dishes just don’t get done before I go to bed.

Do you have strong feelings about your dishwasher, or could you take it/leave it?

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Here Comes the Sun

Posted by Jackie in all about me and tagged with , , , , ,

This year has been a tough year, for both personal and professional reasons, and a great part of that is because the health issues I blogged about in September have continued to overshadow my life. I did start treatment for my thyroid disorder, but it took me awhile to get into the routine of taking the medication regularly, and the process can be slow-acting in general. So I swallowed it every morning, and kept my fingers crossed that soon I would be feeling more like myself. But I still felt like I was moving in slow motion, I still felt exhausted no matter how much sleep I got, and my thought processes were still partly cloudy, every day.

When that hadn’t happened, I decided it was time to investigate further. I went back to my endocrinologist, who ran another series of tests, which turned up a vitamin D deficiency. Once I got the test results back, I started taking an over-the-counter supplement, as vitamin D is difficult to augment through diet alone (though I will be adding more fish to my diet, and trying to get out in the sun more often).

And friends, I feel good! I feel more alert and clear-minded than I have in such a long time, and when I wake up, I feel rested, instead of groggy and exhausted. I feel so much more capable and cheerful, so much more able to handle whatever the day may throw at me.Until I started feeling better, I didn’t quite realize how much my weariness, mind and body, had been taking a toll on me.  Between this deficiency and my Hashimoto’s diagnosis, I think my mysterious health issues have been solved, and what a relief that is. I’m so thankful to have some answers, to have health insurance and excellent health care, and to have solutions readily available. I’m also grateful to myself, for listening to my body and taking steps to get back to where I once belonged.

More posts ahead, about recipes, dishwashers, and National Poetry Month; thanks for sticking around, and as always, thanks for listening.

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A Few of My Favorite Things: Spring Break Edition

Posted by Jackie in all about me and tagged with , , , , , ,
English: Monticello from the west lawn.

English: Monticello from the west lawn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Great Wolf Lodge: we had such a good time here! The water park area is a lot of fun, and we also played mini-golf; lots of activity and family fun time together
  • Monticello: I had been several times before as a child, but it was really lovely to see it as an adult and bring my girls. Jefferson is a complicated and flawed figure with breathtaking vision and intellect, but wow, what a gorgeous piece of Virginia he claimed for himself
  • Ash Lawn-Highland: this is James Monroe’s house, and if you’re ever near Monticello, it’s definitely worth a visit; Monroe doesn’t get as much popular attention as Jefferson, but his accomplishments are epic and his house is a treat to see
  • The UVA campus: we had hoped to see/tour the Rotunda, but it is under renovation, so we spent some time on the sunny Lawn and I tried not to remember that sooner than I think, my own girls will be visiting colleges
  • The Widower’s Tale: Julia Glass’s first novel, Three Junes, was wonderful, but the next few were not so much. Thankfully, Widower’s Tale redeemed her for me, and it was a great vacation book to bring along on our trip
  • Peanut-butter-Nutella cookies: I made these to bring along with us, and they got rave reviews all around!
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Evaluations and Leaning In

Posted by Jackie in all about me, conversations, teaching and tagged with , , , ,
Image representing Sheryl Sandberg as depicted...

Sheryl Sandberg Image via CrunchBase

Like many schools, my school has a tiered evaluation system, and this year is one of my years to be evaluated. At my school, we are evaluated by our division head, department chair, and a peer we select ourselves. We write narrative self-reflections on different specific professional areas where we want to improve, and then all three members of our team come and observe our teaching for an entire class period. Then we meet again, and the team members share what they observed, and we have a conversation about it all. It’s a great process, and I helped revamp it a few years ago as a member of a school-wide committee, so I’m familiar and comfortable with it. This process is not tied to salary, like many performance reviews are, and even if it were, I feel fairly confident about my job performance.

I think I am a good advisor, I try hard to be a good and collegial colleague, and I put a lot of time and energy into trying to be the best teacher I can be. I seek out professional development, volunteer for committees and extra responsibilities, and advise one club and one student organization. I’ve been evaluated before, always with positive comments, I enjoy the opportunity to reflect on my teaching and set personal goals, and I’ve served on plenty of evaluation teams, which I have always found to be fascinating and personally valuable.

But in all honesty, each time, being evaluated freaks me out. Like, majorly. MAJORLY. I was super-stressed in preparing for my first evaluation meeting this week, in which I had to discuss what I think my own strengths are (I think I came up with two, maybe?), and I know my nervousness showed, which made me so frustrated with myself. I am already stressed when thinking about my observations, which will happen after we return from spring break. I trust, value and respect my evaluation team, so this isn’t about them; it’s entirely about ME.

I’ve always thought that part of my personality is a strong dash of imposter syndrome. Illustration: when I was in my first few years teaching at my current school, the secretary came to my classroom door while I was teaching, beckoned me into the hallway, and whispered that we were going to have an all-upper-school meeting in the theater directly after that class period. My first immediate and vivid thought was that they were going to fire me in front of the entire assembled student body and faculty. Even after the assembly (which I think ended up being a slightly graphic one about drunk driving), I had a tough time shaking that panic and fear for the rest of the day. I’m nowhere near that bad these days, or I wouldn’t have been able to write that paragraph above about the ways in which I think I am good at my job. But that feeling still lingers, and evaluation season is certainly its favorite time.

However, lately I’ve also been wondering if there’s something else going on with my reluctance to blow my own horn, as it were. Reading this profile of Sheryl Sandberg makes me think maybe there’s a gendered aspect, that I worry somewhere inside my head that if I had come into that meeting (or any meeting) with a bulletted list of my strengths and accomplishments, I would have instantly seemed less likeable, too conceited or self-important or pushy. I work in a very female profession, and everyone on my team is female, but that doesn’t mean the barriers don’t exist inside my own head. Again, this isn’t about the women on my team; it’s about me. I’m no Reese Witherspoon, but I do agree that I need to dig deep and get more comfortable with being uncomfortable in this area. I’m much more comfortable outlining my weaknesses and where I need to improve as a teacher, and while that helps me keep improving, it doesn’t help my confidence or self-image, and it may shut me of from future opportunities.  You can’t say, “Wow, that would be perfect for me, as it plays to all my strengths,” if you have no idea what your strengths are.

Do you struggle with this too? Are you as comfortable listing your strengths as you are your weaknesses?

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Five-Year Plans

Posted by Jackie in all about me, writing

I admit, making five-year plans has always seemed like an exercise in futility to me. Aren’t you just jinxing yourself, daring some Sky Being to come down and rain all over your lovely little five-year plan? That probably says more about me than it does about anything else, but it’s an idea I never found any utility in before. I’m a big fan of lists and planning and goals, as you probably already know, but the five-year thing seemed like assuming I had much more control over my life than I actually do.

But then, what would I be planning towards? Most of the major elements of my life are already satisfactorily in place; I have a career I love and a job that suits me thoroughly, I have all the kids I want to have, and I’m content in my marriage. We’re not planning to move anytime soon, and no one will be switching schools or starting/finishing new degrees around here. Teaching is distinctive as a career path because unless you plan to move out of the classroom, there’s not really a lot of upward mobility. I have no idea what I’ll be feeling a decade or two from now, but in the next five years, I simply can’t imagine leaving the classroom.

Are there things about the house I’d like to do? Sure; I haven’t made any progress on making our backyard a lovelier or more useful space, and the house itself could use some work, like replacing all the windows and having the plumbing looked over. The next big trip we take will probably be the summer after the girls graduate from middle school, when I’ll get a travel/sabbatical grant from my school and use it to take us all somewhere fun, but I’m sure we’ll take smaller trips between now and then.

Do I have personal goals? Of course–I still have a whole long list of things I want to accomplish or achieve. There’s a lot of travel on that list, and a lot of skills and experiences I’d like to have. How many will get done in the next five years? I have no idea. More importantly, what will I experience in those years that I never dreamed of putting on that list?

Rather than making plans, I like to think I keep my own values in mind as I navigate waters that turn from smooth to choppy so quickly. I try to protect my little passengers, and equip them to sail on their own some day. I try not to lose sight of myself and what distant shores I might want to explore, all on my own.

Do you make five-year plans?

600

Posted by Jackie in all about me, blogging, writing

This post is number 600 that I have published on this blog; quite a milestone! As I saw the number approaching, I’ve also been doing a little reorganizing around here, editing pages, adding new ones on topics I post a lot about, like food and motherhood, and pulling together groups of related posts for easier reader usage, like book reviews I’ve done for books about teaching. I’ve been trying to make the blog better for me, but also better for readers, based on what responses I get to published posts and the search terms that lead new readers here.

As I look over old entries, I can see how much better my posts are today, more focused and polished, though funnily my writing time has gotten quicker. I have a better sense of my interests and desires for this space, and am more conscious that I’m not just writing for myself and a handful of relatives, but for friends, colleagues, and readers who don’t know me and I may never meet. I still don’t plan to “go pro” as a blogger, but I have started sprinkling in more Amazon affiliate links in posts I would write anyway, because some spare cash would always be welcome. I like who I am right now, as a blogger, and I feel confident about the future.

While blogging has definitely made me a better writer, I also think of writing and blogging as separate strands. Writing is much harder than blogging and therefore I get a bigger sense of accomplishment when something is published, but here’s no fear of rejection when I post here. It’s easier to hold myself accountable when I start to let blogging slide, but blogging definitely strengthens important writing muscles for work no one may ever see. I write essays and poems about topics I would never discuss here, but they are both therapeutic for me. I have thought before about quitting blogging, but writing has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

600 posts: I’m glad to see it as a landmark I’ve achieved, not a destination I’ve reached to mark the end of a journey. Thanks for traveling along with me; the horizon still beckons, and I still have plenty to say before I reach it.

Working Hard for the Money

Posted by Jackie in all about me, conversations and tagged with , , ,
Bath and Body Works store in Ohio

Bath and Body Works store in Ohio (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How many jobs have you had? That’s the question I asked myself after reading this article about a woman who’s had 30 Jobs Under 30 Years Old.

  1. File clerk, Opthomologist’s office, junior and senior year of high school, after school weekday hours; great first job to have, with motherly co-workers who were very sweet to me and a doctor who gave me first set of contacts, right in time for my senior prom
  2. Sales associate, Disney store. seasonal employment for two summers, Thanksgiving break, and winter break before and after my freshmen year of college; had to wear “nude” pantyhose under khaki shorts, guilt parents into buying overpriced princess stuff, and constantly rearrange Plush Mountain so all the animals’ eyes faced the same direction
  3. Sales associate, Bath and Body Works, seasonal employment during college; worst Black Friday experience, loved the employee discount
  4. Waves music store, seasonal employment last of my three mall jobs; another good discount; once served a woman in fishnets who came in, bought a bunch of heavy metal CDs, paid for them all in single dollar bills and said they were her “work soundtrack”
  5. Hostess, Olive Garden, seasonal employment my first time working in a restaurant, ate a lot of breadsticks
  6. Tutor, Writing Center, UMBC, six semesters first job I had that I really loved, definitely one of the reasons I’m a teacher today
  7. Office assistant, Interdisciplinary Studies, one semester worked this job in addition to tutoring to help pay off some credit card debt from my semester abroad
  8. Unpaid Intern, WHFS radio station, one semester senior year, second job I ever really loved, got to see some free shows, skim off CDs from the station’s library, meet Spike Jonze
  9. Graduate teaching assistant, BGSU, three semesters included tuition and stipend, reinforced my love for teaching
  10. ESL tutor, three months very part-time work I took while my girls were babies, basically to remind myself who I was beyond new motherhood
  11. SAT tutor, one year part-time work, toddler years
  12. Server, Eggspectation, one year more part-time work, one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever done but one of the most valuable in terms of teaching me about myself
  13. Adjunct, AACC, three years loved this job, taught popular culture and fine arts classes
  14. Adjunct, UMBC, two years loved this job too, taught communications studies
  15. Current job, RPCS favorite job ever, see myself spending a significant chunk of my career here

So I’m a few years older than the original writer, and yet I’ve had half as many jobs (not counting freelance writing work). In looking over the list, I see some patterns; I’ve never quit a job without having another lined up, and I’ve never been fired. I’ve worked pretty consistently since my junior year of high school, which is part of how I earned my way through school, but it also strikes me that my list of extracurricular activities in any of my schooling years would be much shorter, which also bears out the point from that earlier post that students who work have less time for clubs and other non-paying activities.

However, I think the biggest reason my list is so much shorter is that I did not spend any period of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my career; I’ve been very lucky in that I knew fairly early on that teaching was the path I wanted to follow, and so there’s a clear shift around job #6, where the jobs that follow are all connected in some way to teaching (even waitressing, which taught me a lot about what I can handle in a hectic environment!).  You can also see how I ramped up from very part-time work to more of a career path, as I became a mother between jobs #9 and #10.  I don’t know what my next moves might look like, but I’m hoping not to add too many more jobs to my list!

How many jobs have you had?

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