Category Archives: family life

Eleven

Posted by Jackie in all about me, family life

What a year this has been.

The year my girls moved from ten to eleven, they also changed schools: public to private, coed to all-girls, from a large urban school teeming with challenges and diversity to a smaller, more privileged urban school with their mother and aunt teaching in the building. It’s been a year of big changes, as they navigate new schedules, norms, dynamics and communities. They have each faced their own challenges, and it has been hard for me to watch them confront them, hard not to try and cushion each struggle, hard to remember The Blessing Of A Skinned Knee. I knew last year this would be a growing experience for all of us, but as always, you can’t really be prepared; you just have to ride the waves and hope you make it safely to shore.

Sophie is still a bubbly spirit who struggles to hold a grudge for very long at all, still a devoted animal lover, still a voracious reader. This spring, she performed in her largest show yet, playing Moth the fairy in a community theater production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream with her father in the role of Puck. It was a truly magical experience for her, and with each performance, she danced and sang and spoke her lines confidently; it was so fun to sit in the audience night after night and watch her expressive little face shine with delight. She’s made some good friends at her new school, and was chosen to lead prospective families on tours–it thrilled her to serve as an ambassador for the school she has fallen in love with this year. Next year she’s going to tackle soccer and audition for the middle school musical, and she’s already started some of her summer reading; I know she will bring her enthusiasm and humor to each new arena in middle school.

Lucy has really blossomed this year, and it has been wonderful to see her make leaps and bounds as she tested the waters at her new school and found them inviting. She’s made good friends, continued with her ballet and visual art classes, and discovered new depths of confidence and strength in herself. One of my favorite lines in Midsummer is “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” and that fits our little Lucy perfectly. She is still orderly and organized, serving as props mistress for Midsummer and making sure the right prop was used at the right time by the right person. She’s the only eleven-year-old I know with subscriptions to Martha Stewart Living and Southern Living . Next year, she’s starting Chinese and debating whether she’d like to stay backstage or take a turn in the spotlight.

This fall will be another big change as our girls move into middle school. I can’t pretend I’m not anxious about it, but I also can’t wait to see what they achieve next.

Anyone Can Cook

Posted by Jackie in all about me, cooking, family life and tagged with , , , ,

Cover of "Ratatouille [Blu-ray]"

Cover of Ratatouille [Blu-ray]

When I was registering for my wedding presents, my mother looked at the mixers and utensils and pizza stone and said, in an incredulous tone, “Well, who’s going to do all this cooking?”  I was choosing it all because outfitting the kitchen seemed like a such a wifely thing to do, but in total honesty, I wasn’t sure who was going to do it either. No one who knew me as a child or teenager or even graduate student would ever have picked me out as an aspiring foodie, amateur baker, or hobbyist cook, but these are all labels I would use to describe myself today.

My passion for cooking was born sometime around the same time as my girls; I convinced myself that I needed to make all their baby food as a test of my ability to be an excellent mother, and so I bought Super Baby Food and went to work, with my shiny new wedding-present appliances and a lot of determination. I graduated to quick breads once they started eating more solid food, and then to chocolate chip cookies once they were big enough to put a chubby toddler hand under mine on the mixer as it twirled around my big steel bowl. Somewhere along the way, I slowly but surely figured out how to get dinner on the table every day, and baking became one of my favorite mother-daughter activities.

When I daydream, it’s often about taking a chocolate tour in Paris or cooking vacation in Italy, but more than taking one of those trips or mastering the perfect baguette, I want my girls to grow up feeling comfortable with food, both the preparation of it and their own relationships to it. I titled this post after one of the lines in Ratatouille, my favorite animated movie, because it is such a resonant idea for me. Cooking is so mundane and yet powerful at the same time; it can be part of daily sustenance, but it can transport us, communicate our love so clearly, and evoke a flood of memories with one spoonful. If nothing else, I want my girls to feel that power within their own hands, to know they can seize it with a pot, a fork, a handful of salt, a cup or two of water, and to experience the same awe and wonder I do when I reach into the oven and pull out possibilities.

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Duck Purse

Posted by Jackie in all about me, conversations, family life and tagged with , , , ,

When my girls were three or so, they went through a major collector phase. They each had little purses, one shaped like a duck, one like a frog, and hid all kinds of treasures in there. Lucy was the most possessive about her little yellow duck purse though, and she carried it everywhere for months.

One summer day, we left it behind at the Giant that was in walking distance of our old house, and we went all the way back to get it (four blocks, but legions when with two toddlers) and saw it sitting alone in the aisle, thankfully untouched. When I close my eyes, I can see that little yellow duck, sitting upright in the aisle, so dear to the little girl next to me, head covered in ringlets, plush little hand in mine, round cheeks I could kiss for days and big brown eyes the color of chocolate syrup.

Reading this blog post brought all those old memories flooding back, and I felt swamped by a wave of nostalgia for those chubby little toddlers I used to spend every waking minute with, talking, hugging, reading, playing, and moving through our daily lives in our own placid rhythms. In those tough early years, women used to come up to me and say, “Don’t worry, this will all get easier, but don’t let these years slip by too fast, because they are so wonderful and they fly so fast.” Overwhelmed by responsibilities and worries, I used to think those women were ridiculous, so out of touch with how difficult my life was in those years.

But when I think of that little duck purse, and that little girl, I feel it too.  So sweet, so precious, so fleeting.

In the Middle

Posted by Jackie in all about me, conversations, education, family life and tagged with ,

Like my friend Anjali, I’m thinking a lot about MIDDLE SCHOOL, which my girls will be entering this fall. And yes, something about it just requires all caps, as it proving to be a more terrifying transition than I had expected.

On the rational side, I’m very excited about the middle school my girls will be attending; their new school is a K-12 school, so they won’t be leaving the building they’re currently in, and will use the same dining hall and gym facilities. Since I work in the Upper School there, I know some of their teachers already, and am thrilled to think of my girls getting to work with them. Lucy will start Chinese this fall, and Sophie is already looking forward to trying for the middle school musical and joining middle school chorus. There are plenty of sports teams they can try (all with no-cuts policies, so they can really experiment), and afterschool clubs (free to join) with all kinds of different interests. There are mixers each year to meet other kids (boys) from different schools, and yearly retreats that include outdoor education and leadership training. I’m glad they will be in an advisory program, as I think those are so crucial in the 6-12 grades, and I know and trust the Middle School principal, who is just a fabulous person, as well as being a skilled administrator.

So what’s the problem, right?

In her post, Anjali wrote, there’s something about the term MIDDLE SCHOOL that feels incredibly oppressive and repressive and suppressive and claustrophobic and makes me want to have a drink. Of alcohol. Make that a double. YES. There’s a lot of talk recently about how we never truly leave high school, but middle school brings up much more depressing feelings for me than high school. It just seems like such a maelstrom of feelings and hormones and chemicals, so ripe with bad choices and careless actions, kids who aren’t old enough to drive but are old enough (physically) to make life-altering decisions, old enough to lash out at each other but too immature to see the consequences. It’s also the period of time when kids start pulling away from their families (especially parents) and towards their friends, but when they still need so much guidance and support.

Working with high school kids means I hear all the stories, the good and the bad, and sometimes I wonder if that has made me more cynical, more anxious. But I think it’s also the lingering memories and emotions from my own experiences; I escaped middle school fairly unscathed, but I knew so many girls who suffered some serious traumas, and I felt guilty for years, wondering if I could have been a better friend, if I could have alerted more adults who might had been able to help them. One of the difficult parts of parenting adolescents is keeping your own experience apart from theirs; your daughter is not yourself, and her life is not yours, just as her future will be different from yours. I learned some valuable lessons from those years, but I’d like my own kids to not have to pay such a high emotional cost while learning them.

I don’t anticipate blogging a lot about my kids’ middle school experience, since I’m blogging publicly here and want to respect their privacy as much as possible, but I know it will be a big part of the next few years of my life, so I’m hoping to be able to work out my own feelings in writing (here or privately) as I make the transition right along with them. What I’m also thinking about is when my kids start to pull away, how I will maintain connections with them, and what shared interests can I foster? When they start to pull away, what will I have space for in my own life, and what might I be able to pursue that I hadn’t before?

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Meal Planning, 1/27-2/2

Posted by Jackie in all about me, cooking, family life, meal planning and tagged with , , , , ,
Double Crunch Honey Garlic Pork Chops

Double Crunch Honey Garlic Pork Chops (Photo credit: alanagkelly)

What’s cooking this week, you ask?

Well, I still have some leftover dinner plans from last week, which makes me think I don’t need to plan quite so many recipes for a week if I see that some will feed us more than once (or even twice!). Good tip to think about, moving forward. Hoping also to get more done in terms of prepping ahead on the weekend, since we are all healthy again!

Breakfasts: hoping the 24 pumpkin muffins I made on Saturday will hold us for awhile here–BTW, this recipe is a time-tested family favorite, can’t recommend it highly enough.

Grown-up Lunches: Chicken and White Bean chili, with Greek yogurt (new recipe)

Kid Lunches: Girls want bagels and cream cheese in their lunchboxes, so those are on the grocery list, but have also requested cheesecake brownies as the “dessert,” so I’ll make a batch of those, using a Ghirardelli mix as the base and maybe mixing in some strawberry jelly for the cheesecake swirls.

Sunday: the turkey-spinach pasta bake from last week’s plan

Monday: The children have requested homemade hamburgers, so I’ll be making those and probably pairing them with Twice-Baked Cauliflower, a veggie no one in my family is a huge fan of, but this recipe looks promising and incorporates plenty of creaminess, cheese and bacon, which we all love!

Tuesday: Double-crunch Honey-Garlic Pork Chops, knowing the girls will probably reject the sauce, with Oven-Baked Seasoned Fries

Wednesday: leftovers! This is our latest night of the week, so seems like a good night to clean out the fridge

Thursday: I’ve found breakfast-for-dinner to be a lovely way to have quick meals that are also satisfying, so I think this week I’ll try these carrot cake pancakes from two of my favorite food bloggers, with a side of sausage. It seems like you can make the batter ahead of time and store it in the fridge, which makes them even quicker.

Friday: homemade pizza night, take two! Just discovered The Pizza Lab so may end up trying their foolproof pan pizza instead.

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The Tragedy of Not Having a Dog

Posted by Jackie in conversations, family life and tagged with

Here’s the conversation that ensued on our way to the car, one day recently after school. The girls had learned about quinceaneras in their Spanish class and were agitating to have one for their fifteenth birthday. While this is not traditionally a big part of Puerto Rican culture (according to my husband, please share if you have opinions), I thought it sounded like a fun idea with lots of potential to personalize for our family.

Sophie: But if I do have one, I don’t want to share it with Lucy.

Lucy: Why not? We always share our birthdays!

Sophie: That’s my point! I have always had to share my birthday parties with you for my whole life, and when I’m fifteen, I’ll be even more sick of it!!!!

Me, giggling slightly: Sophie, if you have one, you are going to share it, because a big party like that would be expensive, and you’d be lucky to have one at all.

Sophie: (more expressions of rage and injustice)

Me: Sophie, I am not going to argue about something that is over four years away! On the scale of life, this is not a tragedy!

Sophie: It is too! It’s just like the tragedy of not having a dog!

Me and Lucy: Wut?!

Sophie: Well, those are the only two tragedies I have experienced in my life!

Scene

Publishing this entry even though it makes me feel very superstitious, please tell me I didn’t just call down a rain of tragedies?!

Meal Planning, 1/20-1/26

Posted by Jackie in cooking, family life, meal planning, personal goals and tagged with , , , ,
English: Chef Pepín Slow Cooker

English: Chef Pepín Slow Cooker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As part of my foodie resolutions for 2013, I thought I would post whenever I manage to do actual meal planning or freezer cooking. This should keep me accountable to myself for making progress on this goal, and help me remember past plans, what worked and what didn’t, and what I can replicate in other weeks of the year. I also think keeping better track of what I make for the family will help me see patterns (what works for us, what usually doesn’t) and track changes I want to make.

For this week, here’s what I’m making:

Breakfast:

Double batch of pumpkin muffins, possibly adding chocolate chips

Lunches:

Sophie and Lucy: mini pizzas and potato/chocolate chip cookies (I’ll pack myself cookies too, most likely)
Jackie: baked potato soup, modified by adding some chopped/steamed broccoli
Husband is welcome to share my soup, but will probably make himself rice and beans or pack leftovers

Dinner:

Sunday: Slow Cooker BBQ Pulled Pork sandwiches
Monday: Chicken and Rice Casserole
Tuesday: Chicken-Spinach Pasta Bake, subbing ground turkey for chicken and fresh for frozen spinach, as suggested in the comments
Wednesday: leftovers
Thursday: leftovers
Friday: Homemade Pizza

To go with meals/lunches: Cheddar Biscuits, though I make them with Colby-Jack cheese instead

Notes:

With this meal plan, I’m taking advantage of Monday being a holiday to make something with a little more cooking time, and planning for no cooking on Wednesday and Thursday, which are the longest days of the week due to Lucy’s art and ballet classes. The slow cooker pork BBQ sandwiches should make a good gameday dinner, since there’s a big playoff football game, and also keep the oven free so I can get a lot of the baking and/or soup making done. Three of the dinner recipes are new, as well as the soup recipe, while all others are ones I’ve tried and liked before.

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Friday Night

Posted by Jackie in all about me, family life and tagged with , ,

I wrote this almost a year ago, but it felt a little too emotional to post at that point. I’m posting it now because with a little distance, I love the warmth and sense of family that I feel when I read it. Hope you feel the same.

It’s been a long week and even though the winter has been frighteningly mild, it’s still been grey, day in and day out, at least for you. There are some big decisions in your future and out of your control, hanging like swords above your head.  Your shoulders and neck have been dully aching for days, pulsing with tension. It’s been a long week.

But it’s Friday, and your daughter’s play is finally here, the one she’s been rehearsing over the past few months, and your parents and in-laws and sister are coming for dinner before the big show. So you bake brownies, you buy crushed tomatoes and fresh mozzarella and make marinara sauce and stuffed meatballs and boil a box of spaghetti. Your stepmother brings garlic bread and your mother brings flowers and cheesecake and your in-laws talk about the ridiculously fantastic trip they’re sending you on, the one you can’t quite believe is really happening. Your sister and her friend make you laugh and your husband tidies up the living room. Everyone eats and talks and laughs and once again proves a model for modern blended family harmony.

You go to see the show and it’s fantastic, 50 fast-paced minutes of twirling girls and wisecracking boys against a backdrop you helped paint, and your daughter! She is confident and clear, her face changes from doubtful to ecstatic at all the right moments, she is pitch perfect and so exactly where she should be. You know half the kids on stage and they are all so beautiful and brave, it makes you tear up.  Everyone is so happy.

The next day, you look at the pictures, at your beautiful daughter and your family members around you, as they have always been.  You see how happy you look, how you are beaming.  Something knotted deep inside finally loosens, a least a little, at least for now, and it will have to be enough.

Foodie Resolutions

Posted by Jackie in all about me, cooking, family life, personal goals and tagged with , , , , , ,
Brussels Sprouts

Brussels Sprouts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Over at The Kitchn, one of my favorite foodie sites, they are posting reader resolutions having to do with food. Here are the ones I found most inspiring and aligned with my own goals for the year:

Learn three new recipes a month

I’m planning to draw mine from the piles of recipes I have on Pinterest, in an effort to actually maintain my boards there as useful resources and not just another time-suck. My current practice is to go back and comment on any recipe I’ve pinned and actually made, so I’d like to keep doing that as the year progresses.

Cook more whole foods for my family

This goes along well with my freezer cooking goal, and I’m planning to begin by stocking up on homemade tomato sauce for my freezer and then continue in my quest to find my favorite homemade pizza dough recipe.

Experiment with food I think I don’t like

Spinach, arugula, salad, dressing, gravy: these are only a few of the foods I currently eat that would have been unthinkable for me at different points in my life. I was a legendarily picky eater as a child, and one of the great jobs of becoming a decent home cook has been the ability to customize my meals enough to avoid foods I detest (like ricotta cheese, which will never appear in a pasta dish of mine). Since I’ve found some success with adding foods, I’d like to add more, especially in the vegetable arena. I’ve got a few recipes with butternut squash and Brussels sprouts I’d like to try, as well as cauliflower, to help me make more progress.

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On Parent-Child Cellphone Contracts

Posted by Jackie in all about me, conversations, family life, technology and tagged with , , , ,
Image representing iPhone as depicted in Crunc...

Image via CrunchBase

Lucy and I went out for a mother-daughter lunch recently, and while we were chatting, she said that many of her classmates were going to ask for smartphones for their 5th grade graduation present. Trying to hide my total surprise, I asked her if she thought she might want that too. “No,” she said, “I really don’t see the point of it for kids my age.” I nodded and agreed, but I know that if my kids had older siblings, or were playing on traveling sports teams, they might well be one of those kids needing to stay in closer touch with us. But then the texting, and the screen time, and restrictions; such a can of worms to open!

Even more recently, I saw a popular post written by a blogger as a letter to her 13 year old son, who got his first iPhone for Christmas. It’s a wonderful and thoughtful approach, and there were a few lines that felt especially valuable to me.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m.

I hear my students say that they sleep with their cell phones under their pillows so they feel the vibrations when they get new texts, no matter how asleep they are, and other students say they use the phone as their alarms, so they have to keep it in their rooms overnight. Parents say the kids are constantly attached, interfering with family time and communication, and that they struggle with knowing where to draw the line. We know that kids are using their phones as their Internet sources more and more, but they still need that time to disconnect, to get healthy sleep, and to keep the online world in its proper place and perspective. I would definitely adopt a similar policy with my own kids, after what I’ve heard as a teacher.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

Again, so important! Adolescents are learning so much about themselves and the kind of people and friends they want to be, and they will inevitably make mistakes and not be as kind or empathetic as we would like to think they are. But the shock on a friend’s face when you stumble and say something you shouldn’t can be a powerful corrective that just isn’t possible when you dash off a quick text and send it flying.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

I think the lesson this mother is trying to teach her son here is one that is important to teach our children in so many arenas, from schoolwork and grades to mastering digital balance and etiquette. It’s all a process, and we are there to guide them, not punish them.

Do your kids have cellphones? How old were they when they got their first one? What rules have you established?

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